Happy Birthday Jill!

It was Jill’s 40th birthday yesterday. We had celebrated “her day” last weekend with good food, friends, and bit too much wine, but yesterday was her “official” day. It sounded as if she was having a good day (which I’m thankful) and enjoying herself. Turning 40 can be a “big deal”, but as a member of this group, I can speak with some authority, that you can completely enjoy your 40’s and I tried to share my thoughts with Jill over the past few months as her day approached.

Someone told Jill that it would be very depressing for her to turn 40 and be without a job. Who says? Where is the book that tells us that we have to have a job each year our birthday rolls around? What book says that we have to feel horrible when a milestone event in our life occurs and we are not in what others perceive as the “right” situation? I must have missed both of these books (I'm off to the library to find them).

Obviously this person is not in her 40’s, or if she is among our fabulous group of 40-somethings, then she doesn’t get it. I told Jill that turning 40, and not having a job, is okay (maybe not ideal, but life will still go on) and that she should enjoy this point in her life regardless. Life does not have guarantees that certain things happen at certain times – not everyone gets married for the first time in their 20’s, not every woman has children, and if you have never been laid off, there are no guarantees that you won't be at some point in your life. We are not given a clear road map and there are bumps and turns along the way that you can’t control. So Jill now has options. She can sit around and be miserable, sad about tuning 40 and without a job (which by the way….she is not alone in the 40 and jobless category) or she can look at turning 40 as an amazing opportunity to celebrate, do something different, set a new course in life, start her own business or keep slugging away looking for work, laugh, dance when everyone is looking (Jill’s a great dancer), and embrace her 40’s.

I’m betting that Jill will take the latter.

When handing out advice (regardless if it's good or bad) you need to think about what you are saying and how it impacts the person on the other end. God knows, I’m not saying you should soften your message before delivering it in efforts to not hurt feelings, but you should stop and make certain that this advice you are handing out isn't more for your situation (or fears) then for the person receiving your wisdom.

Jill's birthday has come and gone, she is 40 and she is without a job – now what can the friend say? Personally, as her friend (for the last 14 years), I wish Jill a great 40th year. I hope she finds a job (for the sake of others). But more importantly, I wish her happiness, love, a continued great relationship with her husband Ron, lots of dog kisses, and that she finds a great sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in her life – especially now that she is 40.

Happy Birthday Jill!